Me: "I hear you have a thing for butts... man butts. Quit bein' such a man butt lover."
Matt: "I will not."

Chris: "An make a sign that says, 'Thank you, from Shisty!' "
Me: "Yeah, but th..."
Chris: (interrupting) "AND THE SON OF CHA!!"

Me: ((POOOOOOOOT!!)) "AAAAAAAAAAH...."
Mike: "Ugh!" ((rolls over on couch))
Me: "HAHA, DOES IT STINK?! 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA!!"

Me: "Mmmmmm... piss."

Dad: "Ya know what these are....?(rubs fingers together)"
Me: "No dad, what are they?"
Dad: "These are the smallest.... cymbals playing.... like, a song or something."

Dave: "Didn't you have school today?"
Me: "DUDE, IT'S TUESDAY!!"

Aunt Betty: "That guys a cop, he 'orbed' him."
Me: "Hey, I thought this was a family show..."

Chris: "I don't like those big shiny lights.... They shine."

Chris: "He looks like a shaved monkey..."
(Tim slaps himself in the head)

Brad: "It's never a good day when two homos try to pick a fight with you."

Mr. Teunissan: "Has anyone ever walked that much in a day?"
Tom: "Well... not thirty miles, but fifteen... with a forty pound pack... after about the first ten... ya know, ten left... fifteen miles... you've got five left... ya know, you slow down..."

Dad: "Narome nee nak-navar, NOW GET IT ON!"

Me: "Do you have to go yet?"
Chris: "No, don't rush me."
Me: "Fine, I'll go in there for ya. I'll void in their cup, but it'll be the wrong kinda void... HAHA, I'll hand her a cup full of poo!"

Me: "Hey, Chris.."
Chris(interrupts): "NO, you shut up."

Me: "Well, I think I'm gonna go now."
Tom: "Oh, are you done shaking?"
Me: "No, I'm just tired of talking to you..."

T.V.: "ETHAN... ETHAAAAAN!!"
Gramma: "Uh-oh, Steven's gone..."

Robin: "Ohhhh... I can't do shiny..."

Chris: "Yeah, cause she's makin' that... smoked balls, er... fried weiner, er... whatever she's makin'..."
Me: "Boiled penis!"
Chris: "Yeah, that's it."

Me: "Geez, I've slept three different places the last three nights..."
Matt: "Whatta you mean?"
Me: "Well, yester... Uh, Thurs... wait... WHAT THE FUCK DAY IS IT?!"

Tom: "I don't think midgets die, I think they disintegrate... They're mystical creatures..."

Me: "I'm gonna stick this in my thingy."
Chris: "Hey, I have a thingy, too.... OOOOOOH, IT WON'T FIT IN MY THINGY!!"

Tom: "HEY CHRIS, IM GONNA GO SMEAR MUD ON MY ASS!!"

Gramma: "Oh, Kate left her shoes here..."
Tom: "That's why I'm smarter than her."

Gramma: "Did you break that?"
Tommy: "These are not the droids you're looking for Gramma."

Chris: "OOOOWW!! HE PINCHED MY NIPPLE..."
Gramma: "He dipped your bippy?"
Me: "Haha, I dipped your bippy..."

Miss Carl: "We're gonna start Hamlet."
Robin: "We're gonna start gamblin'?"

((Robin breaks her wrist))
Sal: "Shake it off."

Gramma: "On the last tape they showed, he didn't use his left arm, so they think he can't use his left arm."
Tom: "Well I hope he's left-handed..."

Pat: "She's a self-centered BITCH."
Gary: "Well, sometimes..."

Chris: "So I heard about your flap..."

Drive-thru Retard: "I'm stupid."
Chris: "It's ok..."

Me: "Did you say 'b-g-g-g-g?'"
Chris: "B-g-g-g-g SKUH!!"

Me: "Huh?"
Stacy: "Nothing. I'm talking to myself... let me talk to myself..."

Kevin: "HAH, you've got Connelly on your list!"
Connelly: "So should we have sex now or do you wanna wait 'til we're married?"

Chris: "Shut up and put down that pen!!!"

David Blain: "If you don't give us what we want we will continue to die. Whooooooooa..."

Connelly: "Wanna suck my cock?"

Chris: "This monkey is cold."

Me: "You have a girlfriend?"
Tom: "No, but if i did im sure id hate 'er."

Chris: "Bling bling. You're dead."

Brad: "Did you fart?"
Chris: "no..."
Brad: "Did i?"

Me: "DOIY! BEYOTCH!"

Chris: "Tim, are you going to kill me? Because I feel I have a right to know."

Me: "Did she just say, 'you do have a weiner, right?'"

Matt: "How do you like his vest? Would you wear something like that?"
Me: "Yeah? Well what about a turtleneck like you? huh?"
Megan: "uh.. I AM wearing a turtleneck..."
Me: "oh... well, I wasn't really looking at her neck..."

Chris: "Aww, mah weinah fell out..."